Monday, December 04, 2006

The Fobriarchal Order

In the beginning, there was Master Fob.

Master Fob=Fob 1 Manifestation 1

And Master Fob said, it is not good for Fob to be alone. So he pulled a rib from his side, and from it formed Theric.


Then, from Master Fob's spleen and Theric's left big toe came Queen Zippergut, and together the Fobs said, let there be FOB.

Queen Zippergut=F3M1

Late as usual, Melyngoch finally RSVPed in December.


For a season the Fobs enjoyed peace and prosperity, but then came the Great and Terrible day of Theric's passing to another plane, also known as California. The Fobs weeped and wailed and gnashed their teeth, and then, in their ignorance, created a golden idol in Theric's image, and called him Jeph.


Jeph was a busy Fob and quickly found he had no time for fobbery. And so he too passed, and his passing gave light to Tolkien Boy.

Tolkien Boy=F1M3

Again, for a time the Fobs prospered, and in their prosperation there was much your mommery to be heard throughout the land. Then came another Great and Dreadful day in which Melyngoch and Queen Zippergut followed Theric on to the next level of existence, the former in the state known as Indiana and the latter in the state known as Marriage. Before they left, though, they each blessed the earth with their holy spit, and from that union of saliva and clay were born two new Fobs, editorgirl and the Marchioness.


In the age of the new pantheon, Fob enjoyed more multiplication and replenishment than ever before, as Happily Married Straight Friend of Gay (ex)Boyfriend Chick and Edgy Killer Bunny were called down from the cosmos, and Petra was sculpted from the collective feces of all Fobs past, present, and future.

Edgy Killer Bunny=F6M1

At the height of this bold new era of fobbiness, Master Fob looked down on his subjects and saw that they no longer needed his watchful eye, and therefore saw it fit to create a new world in the previously unorganized space known as Seattle. Though all were invited, only the most loyal Fob, Tolkien Boy, followed his master to the New World. There, Master Fob and Tolkien Boy touched their fingertips, recited the sacred mantra--"Wonder Twin powers, activate!"--and with a great thunder entered Weed and Sir Jupiter the King of Queen Anne into the world, and a new FOB was born.

Sir Jupiter=F4M3

Let it henceforth be known that the diads of Third and Fourth Fob are now triads, and offerings therefore are raised 150%. Make checks payable, as always, to Master Fob.


Blogger Kari said...

I believe!!

12/05/2006 1:01 AM  
Blogger Tolkien Boy said...

Well, that certainly ends the debate.

(and the poll...)

12/05/2006 8:49 AM  
Blogger Th. said...


That was excellent, but isn't Tolkien Boy numbered incorrectly?

12/05/2006 4:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dammit, you're right. He should be F2M3. Stop trying to take my place, Tolkien Boy!

12/05/2006 4:59 PM  
Blogger Tolkien Boy said...

Well, I figured it was just because everyone agrees I'm the power behind the throne.

Speaking without entendres, of course.

12/05/2006 5:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not even single entendres? Am I to understand nothing?

12/05/2006 6:00 PM  
Blogger Th. said...


Um, I tendred your mom en the, uh, tendre?

12/05/2006 9:20 PM  
Blogger Melyngoch said...

I'm glad I came from an RSVP instead of from feces.

12/08/2006 7:48 PM  
Blogger Th. said...


Like your mom?

Oh, I am on a roll!

12/09/2006 9:43 PM  
Blogger Sir Jupiter said...

NO fair! You're extorting my rich parents.

12/14/2006 1:52 AM  

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