FOB, May 18th

While we wait with bated breath (which means, coincidentally, not laced with something tempting but rather held back, as in abated) for the world's most deadly rabbit (read: unspeakably fatal) to write the precedent proceedings of this puzzling plot, I thought our loyal readers (two housewives in Ottoro, Maine) might be interested to experience the minutes of our last FOB meeting (sans the bloody chicken sacrifices, which we don't tell anyone about).

Tolkien Boy and editorgirl arrived somewhat late, because Tolkien Boy was busy dancing to Michael Buble and couldn't be bothered to check the time (sing it with me: Save the last dance, the last dance, for me...). After a couple of short detours (where they discovered a pool so enslimed that it could be walked on), they arrived at the manse of the Marchioness, where the collected FOB were, ah, collected.

Being as it were the month o' Edgy, there was much yodelling and cheering and embrassos when it was apparent that Edgy was amongst the FOB (homework assignment: does anyone outside of the Church say the word amongst? Due by next FOB). This was also a FOB to celebrate the return of Melyngoch from the flat fields of Fobindiana, and there was many a 'your mom' joke to celebrate her return (additionally, we celebrated Melyngoch's mom's return last night). We felt quite sated to be so surfiet of supporters in our scribbling spectation, but unfortunately there were too few couches and Edgy and the Marchioness ended up on the floor, where they contributed to the conviviality by criticising everyone's comma use. To top the celebration (a phrase that would not have gone unpunned on in last week's FOB), editorgirl gave Edgy a collection of three pins featuring his trademark bunny, after which there were many an exclamation of appropriateness, viz. the bunny-to-Edgy thing.

As for the meat of FOB, we read first a first chapter of the Marchioness's new novel, which was greeted with loud acclaim by all the FOB save Tolkien Boy, who had decided to be quiet after the third time editorgirl reminded him that it was not all about him (he had been confusing himself with Edgy), and therefore was forced to limit his remarks to written words and doodled dinosaurs. We then were graced with a second chapter from Master Fob's new novel, which caused us to spontaneously skip around the room singing as well as discuss the logisitics of accidents involving Hummers, as well as the proper spelling of the word uh.

We had a short break for pie, which Edgy sliced up and served to us. The benefactoress of the pie was editorgirl via the Provo Bakery. Upon taste, it was apparent that the chocolate cream pie had been dipped in vinegar, so the FOB focused on the berry pie and made various pie-related jokes (the funniest one was based on a comment made by Tolkien Boy that was so old only Master Fob and Tolkien Boy himself had read it, but they enjoyed themselves anyway. And yes, that phrasing is ironic). The berry pie disappeared quickly, but the chocolate cream pie was summarily dismissed as being unFOBworthy.

Afterwards, we read editorgirl's publishworthy poetry and partook in elite exegesis of it. We then discussed how erudite editorgirl is, really, and praised her ability to phrase a turn. Er, turn a phrase.

A few hundred sex jokes later, and it was time to depart, save for the final word, which was of course had by Melyngoch, who revealed that one of the FOB members was, in fact, fond of Karen Carpenter. Much blushing ensued, and much laughter and apologies culminated in the parking lot afterward as everyone tried to figure out if someone with so poor music taste should be allowed to continue in FOBly communion (the decision was left with Master Fob, and is pending. In this nameless person's defense, I'm almost certain that some hip-hop artist has done a cover of a Carpenter song. Heaven knows they've done almost everything else!).

And then we departed, each to his or her separate home, to sleep and gather energy for the next FOB, which promised to be even more exciting, as perhaps Melygoch, Tolkien Boy, and Edgy will actually bring something to be criticised (except, of course, for Edgy, whose writing is beyond criticism).