Sunday, October 01, 2006

A History of Fob Heroines, Not Including the Brief Interlude Where Everyone Wrote About Men and Questions of Effeminacy Were Raised

Jeph, who may or who may not exist,
touched on heroines by using his elbow and wrist.

Queen Zippergut's girlies were shallow and vain
but only half-started, so brief was their pain.

Ryan* wrote often of housewives deicieved
and shattered, subaltern, bereft and bereaved.

Theric wrote stories where girls with dark glasses
vied for attention with girls with svelte chasses.**

Marchioness's women had horrible moans
when the doctor revealed they were stricken with Crohn's.

Edgy pushed envelopes further than most
when he wrote of young women descended from Post.

Melyngoch's femmes all had bombast and flair
and a strange predilection for dyeing their hair.

editorgirl's women are half of a pair
or watching that pair with a basilisk stare.

Tolkien Boy's females are cast by the trillions
but disturbingly also are often the villians.

Master Fob's girlfriends are sidekicks supreme
and sometimes appear to their men in a dream.

And at last, Petra's women--at least, we can guess--
would be logical, canny, and hott in a a dress.

*Also known as The Happily Married Straight Liberal Friend of Gay Boyfriend Chick. Poetic critics and advocates of privacy will recognize, I am sure, the enormous metric excesses I would be pushed to in attempting to include this as part of the lyric line.

** This is the poetic plural of the word chassis, here used metaphorically to represent "piano-playing fingers." Having come to the end of the line, I simply could not think of anything which rhymed with glasses, and therefore had to make this somewhat obvious leap of diction. I hope that future generations of ode writers will be able to forgive me.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Forgive you? Nay, they will praise your ingenuity. You are being documented in the OED as we speak. Or you would be, if only there were a wiki- version of the OED. Damn quality control!

My personal favorite word of the poem is "villians."

10/01/2006 5:03 PM  
Blogger JB said...

:) Well, I like it.

10/02/2006 1:04 PM  
Blogger Th. said...


I thought svelte chasses were athletic bods.

I guess your way works too.

Awesome! by the way. I loved it.

It's nice when you post (since really it's either me or you and mine are, mm, well, you've seen mine).

10/04/2006 11:39 AM  
Blogger Tolkien Boy said...

Well, at least you're trying.


10/04/2006 1:34 PM  

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